it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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