Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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