There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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