i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize