As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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