dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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