I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
