You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
