He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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