How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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