ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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