Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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