Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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