ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
