so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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