I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize