your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
