Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
