why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
