opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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