He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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