So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
