Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
