I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
