Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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