Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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