apparently the secret to your success is patron
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
