someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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