I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
