dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
