ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm bleeding and have questions
My life is pants optional.
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