they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I believe in your delicious
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
