i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
