dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
