too bad you live with your parents still
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
