I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize