I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
There's even glitter on my cock...
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