wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
