If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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