sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
