You can't motorboat a personality
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
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