I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
