it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
