Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
