New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
