I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
