Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
