I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Randomize
