you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
