Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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