tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
