Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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