It was confusing and full of hummus
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
