If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
