No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
