I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize