who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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