In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
