im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
