OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
