FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
