btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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