my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
